Call Me Pretty

Is it just me, or do you ever feel like you’re so used to looking at yourself in the mirror it starts to become a little unbearable? Have you ever walked past a reflective surface, caught a flash of yourself in it, and immediately your mood deflates? Whether we like it or not, physical appearance, and how we treat it, is one of the most compelling and complex concepts in our society, exacerbated by the inescapable chokehold social media has on all of us. 

I’ve noticed over the past year or so that I compare myself to others way more than I ever have in the past. I’m not sure whether to attribute this to my certified addiction to Instagram or the moment I realized I was no longer a size 0—most average 21-year-old women are not. This unrelenting social comparison has led me to constantly and actively seek out faces in crowds who I deem skinnier/more attractive/beautiful/exotic/attention-grabbing/insert-any-adjective-pertaining-to-someone’s-physical-appearance-here than I am. I find myself staring—even turning back to catch another glimpse of a person who I look nothing like, weighing myself against someone who doesn’t even know I’ve placed them on a scale. Of course, more often than not, I find myself coming up short against this person I’m competing with in my imaginary race. She has such great hair, wow, look how flat her stomach is, I bet she’s never seen a pimple in her life, and oh god, I can only dream of my skin tone being that even. ‘Round and ‘round it goes until I try to comfort myself with the equally as asinine, “It’s okay, because you’re smart!” But then I think, “Wait, you’re actually only slightly above average on the intelligence scale. There are people in your class who are doing even better than you. Try find something else you can be the ‘most’ at.” These thoughts continue until I come up short entirely and give up altogether, feeling about as flush as a sack of potatoes. 

I’m not going to bore you with the history of why we value looks so much—we all know it probably has to do with the instinct to choose a partner most likely to provide you with strong offspring, blah blah blah, everyone likes looking at pretty things, Darwin says survival of the fittest blah blah blah.

I’d rather take a look at the present and the blaringly obvious hypocrisy we all so causally bathe in.

For example, the recent Savage x Fenty show wanted to give the world an alternative to the notoriously male-gaze-centric Victoria’s Secret. It was a lingerie line that was actually directed at women, not the men looking at them. But while everyone was getting all hot and bothered talking about Rihanna’s not-so-subtle plan to disrupt the Victoria’s Secret business model and how great it was they had such a diverse casting, I couldn’t help but consider the significance of Gigi Hadid and her equally as airbrushed sister, Bella, being cast in the show. Now, I’m as much of a Gigi fan as the next girl—she is undeniably gorgeous and certainly won big in the genetic lottery—but was she not just a few years ago gushing about how honored she was to finally be cast as an angel in the usually-culturally-appropriating-something extravaganza that is—no, was—the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show? Did she and the other models cast not bombard our feeds with image after image of their time stalking down a runway in tiny bikini G-strings and occupational-health-and-safety-defying wings, all captioned with how “honored” they were to be a part of such an amazing show? And yet, surely she was not oblivious to the message Savage x Fenty was trying to communicate. The rest of us caught on well enough, and we were consuming it through second and third-party channels like Amazon Prime and Instagram. So why was Gigi cast in Rihanna’s show? Why did she take the place of someone potentially more diverse in size or background who could have been cast instead? 

Because she’s one of the world’s most revered models. And why is this? Precisely because of how beautiful and perfectly proportioned she is. Rihanna could have had as much diversity as she pleased, but if she wanted her show to be big, to go as viral and generate as much hype as it did, then her brand was certainly better off with a Hadid sister or two in the cast. So, despite the seemingly subversive message being conveyed on the surface, the conventional beauties were still essential for the show to be what it was. The ingredient of consumable and universally acceptable attractiveness was still a key component.

This brings me to my main point. No matter how “woke” we are, no matter how much we try to give different people a voice, no matter how many campaigns there are for “plus-size” or special needs models next to “normal-size” and able-bodied models and beauty brands that promise us they only want to “enhance” our natural features, we are all greedy for pretty. It is a currency—a means of achieving what we want. Beauty is, essentially, leverage. It is the core of desirability, and if what lies beneath is of any substance, then it’s an added bonus. Congrats! You got lucky. But is it not somewhat true that most of us are simply satisfied with physical beauty? Consider Facebook pages like “Things that are Not Aesthetic” and the intentionally uncomfortable images they post. We are conditioned to value the orderly, the sensical and symmetrical and equate that to attractiveness. Going against this is going against our basest of instincts.

So, what can be done? I’m not going to pretend I am in sole possession of the key to transcending physical appearances in favour of a person’s virtues. I do know, however, that closing the Instagram app on my phone each time I’ve been trawling through it does have a certain element of relief attached. Trying to practice speaking to yourself as if you were talking to a friend, i.e. not being unfairly harsh and unforgiving of your shortcomings, is surprisingly effective too. I also truly believe that your features become more attractive to someone when they know you and like your personality. Roald Dahl was onto something when he said that a person’s internal disposition shows through to their physical appearance. So, practice kindness. If there’s one thing that is achievable with very little effort, it’s being kind. It’s my own personal endeavor to approach each interaction I have with others as an opportunity to display warmth and kindness, and has totally impacted the way I carry myself in this world, even if sometimes it feels like my reflection is letting me down. Above all else, maintaining perspective and realizing that you and you only are the determinant of your worth is a good thing to keep in mind, even if the world is constantly trying to convince you otherwise. But until we have it all figured out, it helps to remember the caption “Instagram vs. Reality” is popular for a reason – so don’t be afraid to call out the BS!