Size Matters: Navigating Fatphobia on Social Media

Trigger Warning: This article discusses disordered eating.

In the Spring of 2018, I was preparing to be a freshman at LIM College come fall of that year, and while I should have been excited, all I could think about was my size. Soon, I’d be moving to New York City and have to coexist with people who—in my mind—looked a lot better than I did. I remember checking the Class of ’22 Facebook page and scrolling through the thin, pretty girls who were soon to be my classmates. My number one goal became transforming myself from the size 10, insecure 18-year-old that I was, to a size 4—still somewhat insecure—version of myself, in a matter of months, even at the expense of my own mental and physical health. Pathetic, right?

I’m sure I am not alone when I say that I suffered from an eating disorder. I found that if I restricted my eating habits, counted calories, and exercised an unhealthy amount, I could get myself down to a size in which society might deem me attractive.

According to the latest statistics from the Eating Recovery Center, more than 30 million people in the U.S. will suffer from an eating disorder in their lives. In addition, 70% of those that admit to experiencing an eating disorder say that they did not seek treatment. The notion that being thin goes hand in hand with being considered conventionally attractive has completely poisoned the idea of self-worth and self-love.

Interestingly enough, a study recently published in the International Journal of Fashion Design, Technology, and Education indicated that the average-sized American woman has increased from a size 14 to between a size 16 to 18. If the average woman is plus-sized, how can beauty standards still be able to convince us that the only acceptable version of ourselves should be a size 6 or less? There’s no doubt that the media has played a large part in marketing thin, gorgeous models as our generation’s “goals.” Why wouldn’t we all want to look like a Victoria’s Secret model?

I realize the better question is: why should we want to look that? Whenever I’m scrolling through social media and come upon a photograph of a celebrity or influencer, there’s almost an immediate feeling that I wish I could look that good. The rational part of my brain can’t work fast enough to remind me that those people have probably had work done—or at least employ a 5-star trainer to achieve a body that I know I’ll never have.

Personally, I reached a point during the end of my freshman year of college when my disordered eating had morphed into a perpetual state of exhaustion. I had no energy. I felt no more attractive in that moment as I had months earlier, and I knew that I was slowly losing myself. I decided that I could either start eating again and build a healthy relationship between myself and food, or I could allow my eating disorder to rule my life. Then I came across an Instagram page that belonged to a girl named Sydney Grace. She had a few thousand followers, and we shared a lot of common interests like fashion, sustainability, and most importantly, the fact that both of us were recovering from disordered eating. She presented herself as a genuinely happy person who was learning that her presence on social media was not dependent on her size or appearance. For the first time in my life, I felt truly seen by someone who had no clue that I even existed.

Source: Screenshot from Sydney Grace’s Instagram

Sydney—better known as @ohhhhhhhhhoney on Instagram—boasts over 34k followers (and counting) where she uses her platform to bring awareness to uncomfortable topics that we have been conditioned to perceive as taboo. While she never set out to transform herself into an influencer, her ability to be transparent about her struggles and the difficulties of living in a society that idolizes straight-sized bodies has amassed a following of many others that share her experience. Separate from her life on social media, Sydney is a senior studying Digital Marketing at Southeastern Louisiana University and has worked for different non-profits doing grant-writing, marketing, etc.

Sydney Grace speaks candidly about her journey, explaining how as far back as age 9 she recalls family members encouraging her to steer clear of horizontal stripes as they would make her look wider. As soon as social media began to run rampant she recalls, “by 6th grade I was coming up with a plan to achieve that coveted thigh gap that I’d seen so much on Tumblr. I dieted and failed. I stood weird so my thighs wouldn’t touch. And when those tricks didn’t work, I would literally pray that one day I’d just miraculously become skinny.”

The next few years, Sydney suffered from a binge-eating disorder in which she was constantly restricting the number of calories she consumed and forcibly starving herself. While she has come a long way since then, it can be difficult to be on this journey of radical self-love—as she puts it—amidst the hate comments she receives or the direct messages from people whose aim is to troll her size. Sydney is quick to admit that the recovery process is not linear and there are days that she has to remind herself of how far she has come. She explains, “I wasted so many seconds, minutes, months, and years trying to change to fit the image of what diet culture expected of me… and for the rest of my life, I will be making up for that lost time by granting myself unconditional permission to experience joy in my own body.”

It’d be wrong not to mention the fact that the body positivity movement has had a hand in normalizing different body types; however, it’s hard to tell how helpful it’s really been. While plus-sized bodies have become a greater part of mainstream media, people are still under the impression that “plus-sized” includes sizes 10 through 14, but bodies beyond those sizes are scarily overweight and unhealthy. It’s counterintuitive to eliminate any size from the conversation, and we have to acknowledge that there are still an important portion of people who are ignored. Another important part of the conversation is acknowledging that straight-sized bodies are privileged in the sense that their bodies tend to receive less negative attention than plus-sized bodies.

I know that I’m privileged in the sense that I have a straight-sized body. Of course, this doesn’t mean I can’t have insecurities, but unlike someone who is plus-sized, my feelings towards my body are seen as validated—whereas a plus-sized person is often shamed for feeling insecure. If I complain about my weight or the fact that I do not have a flat stomach people, are quick to encourage or reassure me that I am beautiful the way that I am. Similarly, I could post a photo of myself and not have to worry about people trolling my appearance or leaving heinous comments about my body. Unlike my experience, plus-sized people are often ridiculed for feeling confident in their skin or blamed when they share feelings of lacking confidence regarding their appearance.

In a lot of ways, social media has affixed the algorithm to silence plus-sized bodies. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok have been called out for shadow-banning content from plus-sized creators or punishing them for sharing pictures or videos of themselves in their most vulnerable state. In some cases, users have found a lack of engagement with posts that show more of their body, and sometimes content is immediately taken down for violating community guidelines. Yet straight-sized bodies exist freely on the internet without ever being flagged as inappropriate. Representation matters for people of all sizes, and we should feel no different about Kim Kardashian posting herself in a bikini than we do someone with a larger waist than hers.

It can be extremely disheartening to see how terms like #weightlosstips, #diethacks and #weightlossmeals are widely searched on social media. It doesn’t help that celebrities have taken to Instagram to promote products like FitTea and diet suppressing lollipops to their millions of followers, many of which are impressionable young teens who want to emulate their looks and body types.

To put it simply: “weight loss” teas are an absolute scam. The dieting industry is worth billions of dollars and has tripled its gross annual income to $60 billion, according to Lifehack. Over half of young girls and nearly a third of teenage boys exhibit unhealthy weight control behaviors. When you buy into diet culture, you’re fueling a machine which creates habits in young people that have lasting negative impacts.

It has been a few years now and I still find myself fiercely envious of people who have the perfect (I use this term loosely) body. I find that I sometimes revert to my old ways when I finish a large meal or indulge in sweets before bed only to wake up the next morning and immediately hit the treadmill. I’m still triggered by certain words or social media posts, and I’ve accepted that I’ll probably always have those triggers. What I won’t accept is the fact that young people continue to be exploited by diet culture and mainstream media.

I know that I speak for so many when I say that growing up in a society that prioritizes image above all else has had lasting negative impacts on the way that young people perceive themselves. As we take steps towards a more diverse and progressive world, we have to remember that issues like body image are still incredibly prevalent and deserve to be talked about. I consider myself one of the lucky ones that was able to break my bad habits and create a healthy relationship between myself and food. It takes work, but it’s possible.

For more information and resources regarding eating disorders visit nationaleatingdisorder.org.