How To Be Equipped for a Family That is Unequipped for You

Homophobia isn’t just a way of being; it’s a system that has caused centuries of pain to queer people around the world. For those raised in religious households, coming out isn’t simply a declaration; it’s a revolution!

I come from a traditional Colombian family that holds strict Christian values. For as long as I can remember, there has been a notion in my family that being gay is not only wrong but also a one-way ticket to hell. They would often say that homosexuality is a “new” concept that derives from social media and is “forced” onto the world. Anytime along those lines, I would feel my blood boil. They couldn’t be more wrong. Being gay is not a new concept by any means, and in fact, homosexuality and its criminalization date backthousands of years.

There were times when I would have the courage to stand up to them and attempt to educate them, but often, I was met with stubbornness and no desire to see things in a different light. So, for a while, I chose to stay quiet out of fear that my passion for the topic would out me and get me in trouble.

Studies run by theNational Library of Medicine show that people who grow up in a homophobic environment, where they fear coming out, experience“a high level of stress, which is often associated with higher levels of depression and suicidal ideation.” This internal conflict—between wanting to speak up and fearing the consequences—took a toll on my mental health. It wasn’t just about staying silent; it was about suppressing a part of myself to feel safe.

In early 2025, I was faced with a life-changing decision. I had just gotten back to New York after four months of living in Paris, and my mom asked me one day over coffee if I had met a guy during my time abroad. My instinct was to say, “No, I didn’t meet anyone,” and keep it moving. The truth was that I had fallen in love with a woman, and we were dating. I knew that sharing this news would change the relationship with my mother forever. But I had grown so tired of silencing myself that I felt it was time to be loud and proud of who I am, and that is what I did.

As predicted, I was faced with a lot of backlash. My mom went as far as to out me to the rest of my family, to condemn me to hell, and to cut me off financially; the list goes on. Despite any of that, I have not regretted my decision once. It’s been difficult, but there has been a tremendous revival in my mental health. A study published in the Mental Health Journal Psychoneuroendocrinology found that queer people who came out to family reported lower “cortisol levels” (stress) and fewer psychiatric symptoms in comparison to their “closeted counterparts.”

There is no right or wrong way to handle these kinds of situations, but I think it is crucial to share our stories and advice. Here are some tips that have gotten me through this process:

1. Surround yourself with your chosen family. These are people who will support you unconditionally and remind you that you deserve to be loved and celebrated. Finding these people comes with time, the next tips can be done in the meantime.

Scene from “RuPaul’s Drag Race”.

2. Attend Pride and other community-building events. This is a great place to build that community mentioned above! Find some upcoming events here.

3. Educate yourself on LGBTQ history and spread the knowledge.

LIM College offers a super informative Queer Studies course!! Also, this research guide offers many educational resources.

4. Communicate with other queer people (Talking to LGBTQ elders is very insightful and reminds us that the world CAN evolve).

“PFLAG NYC” provides adult, parental, and elderly mentorship for LGBT youth.

5. Let it out, it’s okay to cry!

The Trevor Project provides a 24/7 counseling hotline. LIM College also provides free mental health counseling.

Coming out can be hard, but it’s important to know that you are not alone! There is an entire community out there ready to accept you with open arms. Stay strong and remember that you are loved.